Diary of an Office Kitchen - Week 51

May 7, 2021 - Holly Elliott

Day 361 – Monday 15 March 2021

Ding Dong – not Avon calling...

Dear Diary

Well, here we are in a fresh new week. My weekend was mainly spent online shopping. Some purchases were considered and well thought out, whilst others were a tad impulsive. This week will be full of deliveries, good or bad!

2.00pm – Doorbell rings and there is a rather harassed looking delivery driver standing the obligatory 2 meters from my front door.

“DELIVERY FOR NUMBER 90!!!” he shouts at me. I’m only 2 metres away and still can hear very well for a woman who shuffles 4.8k a few times a week, thank you very much.

“THANK YOU!” I shout back. “THIS IS NUMBER 86 THOUGH. YOU NEED TO TAKE IT TWO DOORS DOWN”. I’m scarily enjoying the shouting. It’s rather liberating.

“YOU DON’T HAVE A NUMBER ON YOUR DOOR” he shouts back at me.

I’m not really sure what that has to do with anything but sagely nod in agreement. I think to continue the shouting may not help the situation at this point. I do however point to the enormous stone that he is standing in front of with huge numbers etched into it – showing visitors and passers-by that this house, that I live in, is number 86.

The delivery driver slinks off with the parcel to number 90.

2.05pm – The doorbell rings again and the harassed, loud delivery driver is back!

“DELIVERY FOR NUMBER 86” he shouts with much glee.

I look down at the box and recognise that this parcel is one of my purchases from the weekend.

He now wants to take a picture of me with the parcel and is very insistent it’s just to be taken from the knees down. I’m annoyed as I’d washed and straightened my hair this morning.


He quickly takes the photo and leaves. How rude.


Day 362 – Tuesday 16 March 2021

Hermione Granger I am not!

Dear Diary,

Dilemma this morning is all about my hair - yes, it’s all go here this morning.

So, do I cut my fringe back in or not? You see a fringe is a commitment which takes effort. Not just an effort from me, but also from that of a hairdressing professional. Oh, how I miss hairdressers!

Yes, I know that we have much to thank the doctors, nurses and healthcare workers for, but exactly one year on I look like I’m either off to a witch convention, or I’m just about to get into some serious heavy metal and start head banging.

2.00pm – BBC breaking news alert:

From 5 April, hairdressers and barbers can reopen, three weeks earlier than previously scheduled. For the vast majority of Scots this will be the first time this year it has been possible to have a trim at the hands of a professional.

WOOOOOO HOOOOOO!!!! Celebratory dance around the office kitchen. I mean I had no idea when I first started my diary entry that this news would be breaking!!

2.05pm – google hair styles for witches in earnest.

Just realised the BBC states from 5 April. 5 April could mean ANY year!! So are the “vast majority of Scots” able to book from this year or any year in the future.

Also, I’m not technically Scottish so hope I can still get an appointment. Honestly being from a rather mixed, muddled heritage is confusing when trying to get your hair done.

On another matter I’ve not had any parcels delivered today. That means, no doubt, they will all arrive tomorrow whilst I’m being Professor Whitty’s clicker.


Day 363 – Wednesday 17 March 2021

Eat your heart out Andre Rieu

Dear Diary,

If I could have given myself a more complicated timing routine to my day than this is it! So, my work and personal calendars have collided and are chocka block with meetings, actions, deliveries and stuff I’m not even sure about.

Ideal versus Reality:


Ideal Reality
6.30am Up and out for 4.8k shuffle  7.00am Begrudgingly up and out for a 3k run (better than nothing???)
10.00am First meeting of day with all attendees’ present


10.00am First meeting of the day with not all attendees’ present due to a diary clash. Sigh.

1.00pm Principal’s Live Session (Take 2) with everyone who has been invited, and who have their names on the door can gain entry this time.

1.00pm Principal’s Live Session (Take 2). Everyone who knocked on the virtual door gained entry! Well done me!  The Principal’s dog Hector finds the statement of ambition section very interesting and provides plenty of comments. Good boy Hector.  I also got a “Next Slide Please” Professor Whitty style from the Principal. Happy days.

1.50pm Principal’s Live Session ends. 1.45pm Principal’s Live Session ends. (my reality is now exceeding my ideal!)
2.15pm Tesco arrive with all my shopping and nothing substituted. 2.01pm Tesco arrive (thank you Tesco for hanging off until after my meeting ended). And nothing substituted!
2.30pm Hermes arrive and do not shout. 2.15pm Hermes arrive and do not shout! (That was a bit disappointing to be honest)
3.00pm DPD arrive and let me find my heels. 3.00pm DPD arrive and let me wear my heels!


3.05pm – Buy a lotto ticket – I mean come on! I have just conducted an orchestra!!


Day 364 – Thursday 18 March 2021

Around the world in 80 vaccines...

Dear Diary,

Check lotto ticket as soon as I wake up....and guess what? No win.

Check emails to see if any deliveries are arriving today as I would like to wear a different pair of heels...alas no deliveries expected today.

So, the hot topic of conversation with friends over WhatsApp is mainly about the vaccine.

Australia – no vaccine planned yet. Also, her region in Oz Land have not been in lockdown at all and she has been living life to the full. When I say to the full, I mean she is eating in restaurants and doesn’t have to wear a mask in the shower. She’s a lucky son of a gun.

America – already had her vaccine. However, she did point out that she had to volunteer at a centre to get the jab and is thankful that Trump is no longer President. (I know that is nothing to do with the vaccine but felt it important to relay that message).

France – they would love the vaccine, but the French are all rather sloppy shoulders (their words not mine!) and a tad bureaucratic about the whole thing. They both need to fill in a lot of paperwork to potentially get the jab but are very grateful for the wine they have access to. (I have seen their wine cellar – am as jealous of that as I am of friend in Australia...if not more!)

England – now here’s the thing. Most of them have already been vaccinated! Even those that are younger than me. And as soon as you hit 50 you can log onto the NHS website and book yourself in! There is no “Willie Wonka” blue envelope malarky going on there.

However, I remain very positive that 99% of my friends are eager and queuing up (socially distanced I hope) to get the vaccine.

The 1% that is worried thinks nothing of smoking 20 ciggies a day. I also remember him being very partial to drinking several Blue WKDs on a weekend. If you can ingest that and still be alive then be brave and get the jab!

Day 365 – Friday 19 March 2021

Cats with attitude

Dear Diary,

The sun is out again! This is four days in a row! So, to celebrate this momentous occasion I dug the garden furniture out from the garage. Struggled to get it through the back gate though so left it all sat on the drive ready for David to sort out when he comes home from work, which will no doubt be dark and the rain will probably be on by then!

Anyway, I’ve just looked out the window to find two cats using the chairs as loungers. They didn’t even put a towel down!

I emailed my diary for this week to David.

His response: "Your diary is really good,"

My response: "My thoughts exactly"

Am now spending the afternoon with my heels on waiting for the rest of my deliveries to arrive.  














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