Diary of an Office Kitchen - Week 4

Day 23 – Tuesday 14 April 2020

6.15am David left for work

7.00am Get up and attempt to touch my toes.

7.01am Back in bed after failing to touch my toes without bending my knees to 90 degrees.

8.30am Finish an Easter egg for breakfast.

10.30am Early dog walk whilst the sun is out. George finds a dead bird and wants to bring it home. After extensive negotiations we agree to leave the bird in the field.

12.00pm Join team Zoom meeting. A very exciting countdown begins 30 minutes into the meeting due to a 40 minute maximum time limit. Just as we are 60 seconds away from the end of the meeting Gavin joins and the meeting is cut off. Well timed Gavin.

1.30pm Finish another Easter egg for lunch.

2.07pm Message from June with an update. There is a new neighbour in the hood. How exciting! They have 11 dogs and a monkey! A bit excessive – I mean I can’t believe they have a monkey.

3.00pm Start an Easter egg for afternoon tea.

4.00pm Text from David to let me know he’s booked next week off as annual leave and we get to spend the whole week together, in the house, together, all week, just the two of us in the house. I’d be happy if I wasn’t so drunk.

8.30pm David home….empty handed.

Day 24 – Wednesday 15 April 2020

6.15am David left for work.

9.00am Receive an email from Marketing asking for a portrait photo of myself and the dogs. After much deliberation, send a heavily filtered photo of myself, looking nothing like me, and a landscaped photo of the dogs, neither of which Marketing asked for.

9.15am Start to prepare a list of jobs, for David to do in the house, whilst he is on annual leave next week. I wouldn’t want him being bored.

9.50am Prepare for SLT Zoom meeting, which obviously involves practising focussed face.

10.30am SLT Zoom meeting ends. My practising is paying off. Not one comment about me looking bored!

12.02pm Another dog walk in the sunshine! George finds the dead bird again, looking more dead than yesterday. Whilst negotiating with George, not to bring it home, Maisy decides to roll on the bird over and over and over again...Eau de Chanel it isn’t.

12.40pm Drive home with all the car windows open.

1.00pm Get mugged for a carrot by the dogs.

2.58pm Take a call from Anne. Apparently, I have lost 6,000 credits in my monthly report. I find them under my sausage fingers much to Anne’s relief.

5.00pm Take a break from preparing the list of jobs for David.

8.35pm David home with more carrots.

Day 25 – Thursday 16 April 2020

7.15am David left for work. I was almost up before he left!

8.30am Turn on the news to see Michael Ball singing, “You’ll Never Walk Alone” to Captain Tom Moore*... Now that’s not a sight you see every day.

9.30am FaceTime from my brother in law. Would I be able to create a table in Microsoft Word so he can label up his wine collection. I like his thinking at 9.30am in the morning.

9.40am Order sand paper, primer and paint to help David with his jobs for next week. He brings me home carrots and cauliflower; I bring him sandpaper and paint.

11.58am Join team Zoom meeting. Main area of concern was centred around haircuts. We must all stay strong people!

2.30pm Text from my Mum who has just had a call from Elton John. He told her that during lockdown he has put on so much weight that he has had to get trousers made especially for him… “Goodbye normal jeans”. I know the feeling Elton.

9.45pm David home with 25 tyre depth gauges…not sure I can eat or drink them. * At time of writing Captain Tom Moore has raised £14m for the NHS.

Day 26 – Friday 17 April 2020

6.01am David left for work.

7.01am Wake up to a helicopter hovering outside.

10.00am Join SLT Zoom meeting. As I login the main topic of conversation is again haircuts.

10.05am My screen freezes just as the Principal beings to update the team on her recent meeting with the Deputy First Minister. She stops to ask if I’m OK as I look really shocked in my frozen pane. I can find John Swinney shocking at times but my internet connection obviously has comedy timing.

10.07am Manage to log back in, join SLT Zoom meeting and recompose my face.

10.45am Score 18 points in Pop Master.

12.30pm I’m on annual leave from 2pm so carefully consider what I can do with those precious few hours. Start a new exercise regime? Weed the borders in the garden? Try to find something cultured to read?

12.31pm Decide I’ll have a gin and watch Netflix for the rest of the afternoon.