Diary of an Office Kitchen - Week 7
4 May 2020
6.00am David left for work.
8.30am Wear my Princess Leia outfit as it’s May The Fourth Day.
9.00am Put comfy trousers and a jumper back on. I just cannot fit into the Princess Leia bikini like I used to...
10.15am Can hear a distressed sound coming from somewhere!
10.16am Realise it’s from my stomach. This is a very low point and I’ve stuffed my face all morning.
1.30pm Call from Mum who wants to buy David a gift as he has been working very hard over the last few months. We order him a Karcher window cleaner. What a nice surprise that will be when it arrives...
4.45pm Manage to get a Tesco delivery slot for 24 May!! Am worryingly overjoyed and consider not shopping until that very date. Will the food we have last until then?
4.50pm Head to shop to buy food.
8.15pm David home with bin bags. How romantic.
5 May 2020
6.30am David left for work.
8.45am Turn the radio up to drown out the sound of the recycling bin being collected. I am sure a neighbour has put their glass bottles into ours...
9.00am Bring the bins back in and fill up the glass box again with bottles that I was too embarrassed to put out first time round.
10.00am SLT Zoom meeting. A box appears on my screen warning me of my perilously low bandwidth. Unfortunately, my bandwidth is perilously wide and not low. Thank god for elasticated trousers.
1.30pm Am sent the same joke in WhatsApp by six different groups. I think the country is not only running out of toilet rolls but also jokes. Not sure what’s worse?
4.30pm Maisy and George are bullying me to feed them. They can obviously tell the time but are fooling me into thinking it’s later than it is! If they eat, it means Mummy can have a drink...
4.32pm Feed Maisy and George
4.33pm Pour a gin. It’s all about self-control you know.
11.40pm David home. I pretend to be asleep.
6 May 2020
6.00am David left for work. Was hardly worth him coming home!
9.10am David’s Karcher window cleaner has been delivered! Cannot wait to see his face if, and when he gets home!
11.00am THERE IS A WASP IN THE HOUSE!!!
11.01am Start packing up my most prized possessions because THERE IS A WASP IN THE HOUSE!!!
11.02am Bundle the dogs, wine, gin, salty snacks and a few very nice handbags into the car and start the engine.
11.03am Wasp flies out of living room window. Bundle dogs back into house. That was close.
12.00pm Eat two packets of crisps, chocolate and an apple. It’s been a stressful morning and I needed that apple.
1.30pm Make lunch. Cheese toastie and more chocolate.
2.00pm Cup of tea with more chocolate.
5.00pm Log off as I’ve eaten all the chocolate and need to get more.
8.00pm David is home. I present the window cleaner and he looks overjoyed. Just what he wanted apparently. Make a mental note to get him more cleaning equipment for birthdays and Christmas.
7 May 2020
5.30am David left for work.
9.27am Scoff breakfast (chocolate) down and practice focussed face for SLT meeting.
12.30pm Meet “Adolf”on our dog walk again. Turns out his name is Rudolph in account of a red dot on his nose. Well don’t I feel silly.
1.00pm Remember that it’s VE day tomorrow which means no logging on. An extra-long weekend to spend in lockdown, such fun.
3.00pm Was horrified to find out that some of my colleagues think I drink gin all day and log off early! I mean I quite often drink Chablis and Pinot Noir and log on late!
3.45pm Share diary with SLT